On Belinda's death (9/23/2019)
So a student died at my school today.
Her name was Belinda Zhou, and I didn't know her well.
But shes gone now, and I don't know what to feel. I guess the news hasn't hit me.
It's not my place to feel bad, because I didn't know her. And I don't think that she would really care, either. I'm not sure if she even knew me. I can't even remember the last time I talked to her. I can't have talked to her once since entering high school. But I still do feel bad. It's a numb feeling, one that catches you by the throat and doesn't let you go. I can't stop thinking about it.
If I died, would I affect so many others? Even the people that I didn't even know well enough to be considered acquaintances? They say that no one really dies until everyone forgets them. I never remembered any of my interactions with her, and for that I feel sad.
I can't imagine what it was like for her to be lying in that hospital bed. I don't want to imagine. It scares me. A quick google search shows that the survival rate of Leukemia is around 60 percent. That's crazy. Another girl from my school had cancer and survived, cancer must be survivable, right? Yet she still died.
But tomorrow, life will go on. Her death, in all honestly, will have zero impact on me. I didn't know her. I won't remember her, because I never remembered her in the first place. She will stay important to those who she was important too, and I wasn't one of those people.
So why does this matter to me?
I don't know. It shouldn't, but it does.
I guess I've learned something about mortality today. Maybe I shouldn't worry so much about grades or tests, and instead enjoy my life and stay healthy. Or maybe I should work more, work hard to have a comfortable life. I don't know.
It's scary to think about Belinda's situation. As a teenager, death seems so far away, like something that will happen in another lifetime.
But again, this doesn't concern me. I didn't particularly care much when Belinda was in the hospital. This reaction, this post, was only spurred because she died. I see some people posting about her online. I see others saying that people shouldn't post about her online. But just because I didn't know her doesn't mean I can't and shouldn't care. I would like it if people cared if I died. But I guess its important to not overstate your reaction. Don't pretend to have been her best friend. Don't act like she was an angel when she was human, just like the rest of us. I didn't know her personally, but I know she wasn't perfect.
But she's also dead, meaning that she doesn't and can't care about what's going on with us living people anyone. If we look at this objectively, it's really not about doing what she would've wanted, its about doing what the people who were close to her want.
I don't have anything more to say...it's getting late and I should sleep.
Her name was Belinda Zhou, and I didn't know her well.
But shes gone now, and I don't know what to feel. I guess the news hasn't hit me.
It's not my place to feel bad, because I didn't know her. And I don't think that she would really care, either. I'm not sure if she even knew me. I can't even remember the last time I talked to her. I can't have talked to her once since entering high school. But I still do feel bad. It's a numb feeling, one that catches you by the throat and doesn't let you go. I can't stop thinking about it.
If I died, would I affect so many others? Even the people that I didn't even know well enough to be considered acquaintances? They say that no one really dies until everyone forgets them. I never remembered any of my interactions with her, and for that I feel sad.
I can't imagine what it was like for her to be lying in that hospital bed. I don't want to imagine. It scares me. A quick google search shows that the survival rate of Leukemia is around 60 percent. That's crazy. Another girl from my school had cancer and survived, cancer must be survivable, right? Yet she still died.
But tomorrow, life will go on. Her death, in all honestly, will have zero impact on me. I didn't know her. I won't remember her, because I never remembered her in the first place. She will stay important to those who she was important too, and I wasn't one of those people.
So why does this matter to me?
I don't know. It shouldn't, but it does.
I guess I've learned something about mortality today. Maybe I shouldn't worry so much about grades or tests, and instead enjoy my life and stay healthy. Or maybe I should work more, work hard to have a comfortable life. I don't know.
It's scary to think about Belinda's situation. As a teenager, death seems so far away, like something that will happen in another lifetime.
But again, this doesn't concern me. I didn't particularly care much when Belinda was in the hospital. This reaction, this post, was only spurred because she died. I see some people posting about her online. I see others saying that people shouldn't post about her online. But just because I didn't know her doesn't mean I can't and shouldn't care. I would like it if people cared if I died. But I guess its important to not overstate your reaction. Don't pretend to have been her best friend. Don't act like she was an angel when she was human, just like the rest of us. I didn't know her personally, but I know she wasn't perfect.
But she's also dead, meaning that she doesn't and can't care about what's going on with us living people anyone. If we look at this objectively, it's really not about doing what she would've wanted, its about doing what the people who were close to her want.
I don't have anything more to say...it's getting late and I should sleep.
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